If you’re homeless, there is a good chance you’re not reading this, because you don’t have Internet, or.. you know, a home. Which really is a shame, because a crazy homeless dude could have taken a tip from us: Don’t call 9-1-1 to tell them you need a hug, they are going to arrest you. I know, it’s hard to believe, but calling the police on your own crazy ass has it’s disadvantages, as this Oregon bum learned.

Mark Eskelsen called emergency dispatchers from his cell phone about 7:10 a.m. Sunday, identified himself as “the sheriff of Washington County,” and asked for medical help.

“I’ve been yelling for about an hour and a half,” Eskelsen said.

But the dispatcher already knew that. Neighbors had called 9-1-1, concerned about the man bellowing from a fence-surrounded pool in the 15000 block of Southwest Village Lane.

Eskelsen said he had been sitting in the water for about 10 hours. His towels had gotten wet, and his fingers looked like prunes.

“I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it,” he told the dispatcher.

You can listen to the dispatch audio by clicking here, and enjoy the hilarity on this fine Thursday afternoon. I hope you got your hug and hot cocoa, buddy.

Source: OregonLive

Maras style ice cream is sold via street vendors and small stands in Turkey and Instanbul as both a delicious treat and a show for the masses. This unfortunate (or fortunate if you’re into some dude messing with you) Japanese student gets a front stage performance when he tries to get some ice cream from a well known vendor in the Maras Dondurmasi area of Istanbul. It sure beats paying $4 a scoop at your local ice cream shop from a nerdy, acne-ridden teenager who likes to spit in your chocolate chunk. I saw that you little punk! Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, I’ll kick your scrawny little ass!

Source: YouTube

Hi folks, Geekogle here. Are you too pale to go out in the sun? Too much of a pansy to go paintballing? Well have I got a product for you! ThinkGeek has a new version of their obscenely popular Marshmallow Gun that holds more ammo, and shoots farther, for hours upon hours of sniping fun. It’s the perfect gift for yourself, your friends, or your co-workers. Just remember; It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it’s fun and games, just someone can’t see very well. Open target!

Now you might be asking yourself, “Holy moley Geekogle, shut up and tell me where I can buy 12 of these mothers!” Well, we’re getting to that, but here are some quick features you might like. If you don’t like them, you can go to hell.

• Gun will shoot both mini marshmallows or included “soft pellets”!
• Shoots up to 30 feet!
• 20 pellets or marshmallows per clip!

30 feet, 20 marshmallows. I’d like to see god himself create a better gun that is both fun and delicious, all for $20. He can’t, trust me. I’ve asked. Both ThinkGeek and the manufacturer say to never, under any circumstances, eat the mini marshmallows after shooting them, we’re pretty sure you can bump up the 5 second rule to at least a minute and a half. Mmmm.. floor candy.

Source: ThinkGeek (order via link)

Confusing, isn’t it? So here’s the deal; The Associated Press (AP) notes that it’s content, including words and images from it’s site, is copyrighted material, and not (normally) distrubted under the widly used Creative Commons act. Thus, if you want to use a snippet, even a one line sentence, from the AP website on one of their articles, you’re suppose to pay AP for it’s use. Heck, they even have a chart showing how much you should send them a check for, depending on how much content you “borrow”. So on June 30th, when Woot’s CEO Matt Rudledge sent out a hilarious email to it’s staff about the acquisition by Amazon, AP decided to report on it. The only problem was that AP quoted Woot’s site in reference to the email, and didn’t pay Woot for using it’s content that the AP is so strict about. So what did Woot do? Sent them a bill, of course.

“The AP, we can’t thank you enough for looking our way. You see, when we showed off our good news on Wednesday afternoon, we expected we’d get a little bit of attention. But when we found your little newsy thing you do, we couldn’t help but notice something important. And that something is this: you printed our web content in your article! The web content that came from our blog! Why, isn’t that the very thing you’ve previously told nu-media bloggers they’re not supposed to do?

So, The AP, here we are. Just to be fair about this, we’ve used your very own pricing scheme to calculate how much you owe us. By looking through the link above, and comparing your post with our original letter, we’ve figured you owe us roughly $17.50 for the content you borrowed from our blog post, which, by the way, we worked very very hard to create. But, hey. We’re all friends here. And invoicing is such a hassle in today’s paperless society, are we right? How about this: instead of cutting us a check for the web content you liberated from our site, all you’ll need to do is show us your email receipt from today’s two pack of Sennheiser MX400 In-Ear Headphones, and we’ll call it even.”

Free speech is over-rated anyway. On that note, feel free to use our content however you want, we’re not greedy, but feel free to send us beer. We like beer.

Source: AP, Woot!

This has actually been floating around the web for awhile now, but we found these again after seeing them featured on another website (source), downloaded the ones we thought were hilarious, and here they be. If you’ve never seen them before, hit the jump for a ton more. The premise is simple; Take some popular Garfield comics, strip out Garfield, and show just how crazy and manically depressed John Arbuckle is. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and maybe even get a little weirded out. Just the thing for the start of the week.

Source: Entertainment Web

Today is Geek Pride Day, so.. you know.. go out and geek it up and whatnot. I’d stay and write a longer post, but we’re all going to carpool to a Lord of the Rings / Star Trek / Star Wars / Tron / LAN / Geeky Nerdfest convention in our Prius. I’m dressing up as a Teletubby! It makes perfect sense, think about it. Really mull it over, you’ll get it. Plus they said there would be cake. They better not be lying. I fell for that once. Okay, twice.

Done mulling it over? Yeah, made no sense to me either. I’ll just go naked. Check out my lightsaber!

May 25th coincides with two other, though fictional, important geeky holidays. The first celebrates Towel Day for the Douglas Adams fans, and the other is The Glorious 25th of May in the Discworld universe. Have a beer and go play some D&D for me. I call dibs on the little wizard miniature!

You may not get any free drinks from the buddies by getting them to play the ‘Hand Skills Game’, but you might from strangers from the bar who sit there laughing at your friends expense. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’ve gotten way more than the 162 point record they talk about. Amateurs.

Source: Huffington Post, and to jweber for the tip, who fell for this twice in the same night. Sorry dude.

This short film directed by Patrick Jean is pretty awesome. For those who grew up in the time of Donkey Kong, Tetris, Pong, and Space Invaders, you’ll love the nostalgia feel to it. For you young kids, just sit there and watch it. Your attention span is probably long enough to get you into the 20-30 second mark. The Tetris event is by far my favorite.

Source: YouTube

Ever been to a doctors office when you were a kid? Of course you did, because you insisted on going outside without your safety helmet on, didn’t you? You’re not like the other kids, Jimmy. You have to be more careful because you’re “special”. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh, yes.. pain chart. So when you were a kid a doctor probably showed you the chart below, asked you what number represented your pain, and then acted accordingly to give you some of those experimental drugs, and not the awesome ones, the ones that made you have flashbacks about the time when Susan stole your cupcake near the sand lot. That bitch. I propose a new pain chart, one that I think better represents how a your little tyke might feel. Take note doctors, this is your new pain chart. Print it out, post it up.

Hit the jump for the new charts.

Source: All images copyright by Allie Brosh and her awesome blog, Hyperbole and a Half.

A local Pittsburgh man, after attending a Jay-Z concert, broke into a home, then crawled into bed with the home owner because he (the intruder) was apparently cold and drunk. Sounds legit. The news report as follows:

Damn Frank, all the guy wanted was a little cuddle time and you have to pull a baseball bat out. Granted, I’ve never been drunk enough to think it’s a grand idea to go breaking into someone’s house and sneak into bed with them, but that sounds like a challenge if I’ve ever heard one. I know what I’m doing this weekend. Who’s with me?

Source: KATU, and to jweber who I hear sneaks into peoples beds even when he’s sober. You sly dog you!