If you’re homeless, there is a good chance you’re not reading this, because you don’t have Internet, or.. you know, a home. Which really is a shame, because a crazy homeless dude could have taken a tip from us: Don’t call 9-1-1 to tell them you need a hug, they are going to arrest you. I know, it’s hard to believe, but calling the police on your own crazy ass has it’s disadvantages, as this Oregon bum learned.

Mark Eskelsen called emergency dispatchers from his cell phone about 7:10 a.m. Sunday, identified himself as “the sheriff of Washington County,” and asked for medical help.

“I’ve been yelling for about an hour and a half,” Eskelsen said.

But the dispatcher already knew that. Neighbors had called 9-1-1, concerned about the man bellowing from a fence-surrounded pool in the 15000 block of Southwest Village Lane.

Eskelsen said he had been sitting in the water for about 10 hours. His towels had gotten wet, and his fingers looked like prunes.

“I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it,” he told the dispatcher.

You can listen to the dispatch audio by clicking here, and enjoy the hilarity on this fine Thursday afternoon. I hope you got your hug and hot cocoa, buddy.

Source: OregonLive

Bound for Guam, a ship containing building materials from Korea, was told to leave port immediately and head back to Anchorage, AK after it’s cargo area was found to have thousands of spiders aboard.

The Port’s Marketing Administrator Bernadette Meno said customs officers along with the vessel’s agent boarded the ship and gave clearance to the stevedores to go on board and unlock the cargo for offloading.

It was then that thousands of the critters were found.

“When our port stevedores began offloading the insulation and beams for the housing units on the docks they discovered that hundreds of large spiders and thousands of small ones were on the cargo and on the ship,” Meno said.

The picture below was taken at the scene of the haulted offboarding. I think we’d all be better off steering the ship off the mainland, and nuking that mother into oblivion. No amount of showers are going to remove the creepy crawly feeling I’m sure all the sailors felt when they heard about the little critters demons of hell that were all up in their business.

Yucky.

CNN is reporting the end of life on earth, even if they don’t know it. You heard it here first. Osprey Biotechnics, stationed out of Florida, has suggested that BP use micro-organisms bread in laboratories to literally eat the oil on the shore lines. It should be noted that BP has been indifferent on the issue, simply stating that the solution is a “potential tool if the situation dictates”. The organisms only work in shore line scenarios, not open water, but has been proven to degrade oil residue that cannot be manually or mechanically removed. The big question, however, is what will happen when there is no oil left, and the micro-organisms discover that human blood is an equally delicious alternative. We’re all doomed! If you need to reach our staff here at Geekogle, we’ll be in our bomb shelter. Knock three times and say the secret password to get in. We have pie.

All kidding aside, we really do like this idea, and think it’d be a great way to clean up the shores that have been devastated by the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. Did you know you can donate to the Geekogle Fund? You sure can, and 100% of the funds donated go to a great cause.

Source: CNN, and to Zenoztankof for the tip, who gets VIP treatment at the bomb shelter Geekogle party.

Man buys food. Food goes missing. Man blames girlfriend. Girlfriend denies eating said food. Man sets up video camera. That all seems like a logical progression of steps to catch your sneaky girlfriend stealing your Cool Ranch Doritos, right? But here’s the plot twist. It’s not his girlfriend! I so very much want to call this one a fake, but by gods, it’s so awesome. Apparently a homeless woman at some point broke into this dudes house and made a little house above the kitchen, then at night when the couple goes to bed, she sneaks down all ninja style and eats his food, watches TV, and urinates in his sink. Yucky. Once the video was reviewed, police were called and the woman was removed from the house, so says the story.

Source: www.buzzfeed.com

Here’s the deal. Look at the picture. What do you see? You probably see some evil and angry androgynous face on the left, and a somewhat  blank stare dude on the right. Now, roll back in your computer chair to the equivalent of 5-7 steps. The images switch! The only thing I can come up with on why this happens is that the creator of the image imbued it with sorcery, like Harry Potter style. I’m going to have nightmares tonight.

Source: www.very-bored.com

Artists that produce photorealistic sculptures, for the most part, aim to show us our bodies and life as it really is. Technically, artists who strive for a high resolution level of detail in painting or sculpture are called “hyperrealists”, although all hyperrealists are also considered to be photorealists. Every detail is slavishly recreated as close to the real life model as possible, even if the sculpture is larger than the original scale. Photorealistic sculptors create truly amazing sculptures that will make you feel wonder, revulsion and the sense of looking in someone else’s mirror.

Hit the click for the full gallery of more than 30 images from artists Ron Mueck, Evan Penny, Duane Hanson, Sam Jinks, and Adam Beane.

Source: Excerpts from www.webdesignerdepot.com

I’m no Billy Mayes (RIP), but I’ll do my best on this one.

Are you over weight? Do you not have a scale to weight yourself on? Do you eat McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Do you have a super huge ego and need to be brought down a notch? If you answered yes, boy do I have a gadget for you! Introducing the Withings. It’s a scale. It’s a wi-fi device, and it posts your weight on Twitter for you so your friends can mock you for that late night Taco Bell craving you had. For shame!

Source: www.withings.com

Who knew you could make a stuffed animal that is both cuddly AND disgusting? Well, the people at RoadKillToys did. Genius. Each stuffed animal comes packaged in a little body bag, a “I <heart> Roadkill” bumper sticker, death certificate, and the dead animal guts spilled all over the place. It’s great for all ages, and I’m totally buying one. You have your pick between Twitch the Racoon, Grind the Rabbit, and Splodge the Hedgehog. Not into stuffed animals because you’re too cool for school? Pick up Pop the Weasel, who’s a flat rubber door stop. Pictures of each after the click.

Their primary business is in the UK, but US readers can scrape up these cute little guys from the Charles & Marie website. Both sites below.

Source: www.roadkilltoys.com, www.charlesandmarie.com

Say hello to your new overlord of darkness. Her name is Dolores, and she will eat your soul, and fish. Okay, just fish, and berries, and frosted flakes, and whatever else bears eat.

Vets of the bear in Leipzig, Germany are stumped as to why Dolores lost her fur and is exhibiting inflammation and rashes, or why most of the other female bears in the zoo are starting to follow suit. Experts believe it may be due to a genetic defect, but tests are still underway. It seems to be a very inopportune time for the bears, since normally the bears would have a thick dark brown coat, which would be growing even thicker to keep warm during the winter months. Time to turn up the heat at the zoo. Two more pictures after the click.

Source: www.dailymail.co.uk

Brittish security agencies have always counted on the trained canine to sniff out illegal narcotics, explosives, and human trafficing. Now, however, they are working on two sensor systems that are able to pinpoint criminals that are in a stressful or fear enducing situations. The two sensor devices work in different ways. One uses laser absorption, the other via a portable optical fiber device. Testing is still being done, however the researchers are optimistic that this will give police a much needed advantage for the 2012 London Olympics.

These studies and devices are based off American researchers who collected underarm sweat of skydivers just before they jumped. They found that when other subjects were give the samples to smell, brain scans revealed that the subjects part of the brain used for the fear mechanism responded greatly with the samples. The only thing left, according to the British researchers, is being able to pinpoint the exact chemical released when the subject is fearful, and how to bypass other smells including deoderants and perfumes.

I’d like to be in the room when we’re able to first use this on a drug smuggler and say “I can smell your fear!”

Source: www.popsci.com